Post-Zombie Reflections

zombieSo, as you know, zombies took over my blog last week.

It was a horrific experience, initially.

I cowered in a corner of my office, trembling. I didn’t move to eat or sleep, and I dared not think because I was terrified they’d sense my brain pulsating and rip into it.

But then something strange happened.

As I watched their black blood stain my blog, I began to like them.

Now, I know liking zombies may be outside the realm of understanding for even the most tolerant of us. But honestly, they’re not so bad.

Yeah, okay, they eat people and all. But they only do that to survive. They don’t enjoy it.

Okay, maybe they do.

But if there was something else on the menu that would keep them undead, I’m sure they’d eat that instead. Eating our brains isn’t a personal attack on us.

Well, maybe it is.

But they don’t mean for it to be.

Perhaps we can look at it as a sort of flattery instead. I mean, of all the brains on the planet that zombies could dig into, they choose ours. Tell me that doesn’t make you feel special. Of course it does.


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Slugs vs. Geckos

morning-sleepy-personYou are not a morning person.

At all.

Mornings for you, no matter how well you’ve slept, mean shuffling sluggishly through a thick fog that takes a full hour to clear.

Silence is key.

Your brain synapses are awakening verrrrry slowly.

Average-decibel sounds are magnified. Normal motion is a full-on attack to your somnolent senses. Aggressive interaction could possibly knock you into a coma.

No, you don’t drink. You’re not on drugs. You’re not in a bad mood, either. This is just your physical make up, it’s how you’re programmed.

You are a morning slug.

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CDC Issues Preparedness Guide for Zombie Apocalypse

zombiesThat’s right.

You read correctly.

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a guide to help us better equip ourselves in the event of a mass zombie invasion.

Entitled, “Social Media: Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse,” the guide outlines the history of zombies, defining a zombie as “a human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead.”


The guide also outlines how one becomes a zombie by way of bites, which pass on the infectious zombolism virus through the mingling of bodily fluids.

Luckily, the preparedness guide is specific in its advice on first aid items. It also advises on families to sit down and hash out an emergency plan in the event of a zombie attack, including, “where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door step.

The CDC promises that “if zombies did start roaming the streets,” they would treat it like any other disease outbreak. “Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas,” the guide promises.

I, for one, am grateful and relieved to know that at least one branch of our government takes zombie attacks seriously.

How about you?


Zombie News Wednesday


Tea Party Zombies Must Die

zombie-sarah-palinJust in time for Halloween!

In a graphic new video game called “Tea Party Zombies Must Die,” players blow away conservative commentators, political figures, and – what else? – Tea Party members.

Zombie victims offered up include Newt Gingrich, Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Bill O’Reilly, to name a few.

In the game, players are instructed to “Grab your weapons and bash their rotten brains to bits!”

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Zombies Hijacked My Blog!


I’m in a rotting pickle this week.

Zombies have hijacked my blog!


They are demanding that FOR HALLOWEEN WEEK, I post only items which are zombie-related.

I tried to resist, but…well, have you ever tried to reason with a zombie?

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