CDC Issues Preparedness Guide for Zombie Apocalypse

zombiesThat’s right.

You read correctly.

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a guide to help us better equip ourselves in the event of a mass zombie invasion.

Entitled, “Social Media: Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse,” the guide outlines the history of zombies, defining a zombie as “a human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead.”

zombie-bite

The guide also outlines how one becomes a zombie by way of bites, which pass on the infectious zombolism virus through the mingling of bodily fluids.

Luckily, the preparedness guide is specific in its advice on first aid items. It also advises on families to sit down and hash out an emergency plan in the event of a zombie attack, including, “where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door step.

The CDC promises that “if zombies did start roaming the streets,” they would treat it like any other disease outbreak. “Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas,” the guide promises.

I, for one, am grateful and relieved to know that at least one branch of our government takes zombie attacks seriously.

How about you?

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Zombie News Wednesday

sylverblaque-world-news-wednesday

Zombies March on Wall Street

Well.

Whaddaya know?

It’s not only humans who are revolting against Wall Street corporate greed. Apparently, zombies are just as revolted (and yeah, ok, revolting) by capitalist shakedown of the 99%.

zombie-march-on-wall-street

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Tea Party Zombies Must Die

zombie-sarah-palinJust in time for Halloween!

In a graphic new video game called “Tea Party Zombies Must Die,” players blow away conservative commentators, political figures, and – what else? – Tea Party members.

Zombie victims offered up include Newt Gingrich, Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Bill O’Reilly, to name a few.

In the game, players are instructed to “Grab your weapons and bash their rotten brains to bits!”

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Zombie Attacks Confirmed by White House

zombies-in-the-streetIn an emergency update on recent reports of a mass hysteria which began in the U.S. but now appears to be spreading around the globe, Channel 3 News broadcasts alarming footage.

Reporter Brenden Phillips takes us along on a panic-tinged ride into the eye of the hysteria on the streets of Los Angeles where, he says, “Things are out of control.These…these creatures…or zombies…or whatever the hell they are, are swarming the city! People are dying in the streets by the thousands!”

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Mass Hysteria Attributed to “Zombie” Attacks

woman-staring-at-zombie-walking-byDavid Barrow of Channel 3 News is now reporting that the mass hysteria which began in a small U.S. city, is now spreading overseas. Further, the hysteria appears to result from a sudden rash of attacks by crazed individuals.

Says Barrow, “New Delhi and Instanbul are now reporting outbreaks of violence similiar to those here at home. Clearly this no longer an American issue.”

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Mass Hysteria Reported

zombie-attack-in-hospital Channel 3 News reports from Madison, WI. warn of a “mass hysteria spreading throughout the heartland with injuries reported to be in the thousands.”

Katherine Landfear, reporting from St. Augustine Memorial Hospital, says “Most injuries are bites, not gunshot or stab wounds as we were led to believe earlier.”

St. Augustine hospital staff says they have never seen anything close to the number of casualties they have experienced in the last 48 hours alone. As well, the injuries are confounding medical staff.

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Zombie Fever Spreads

Here’s a frightening article about the recent spread of zombie fever.

world-map-of-zombie-outbreaks

It was suggested by one of my readers, Lara S.

She may or may not be working as an undercover zombie, but since I have no way of knowing I feel I must comply.

Because, as you can see from the state of my site, I am at the mercy of zombie hoards right now and defying their ‘suggestions‘ could put my brains on their plate!

zombie-eating-brains

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Random Zombie Tuesday 

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