Stinky ‘Stuff’: Can’t Get Enough

stinky-smell-faceRemember that “Yuck!” face you made at the last ‘Stinky Stuff‘ post?

Remember how I warned you to save that face for this post?

Well, warm up your “Yuck!” face muscles.

‘Cuz chances are you’ll pull something screwing up your face while reading this post!

When it comes to the question of what sparks eros, there is nothing as sublime as the strong, clear scent of one’s not-too-recently bathed beloved.”

Hugo Schwyzer

man-and-woman-embracingSigh!

Such poetic expression of man’s love for erogenous stench.

But is Hugo alone in his rhapsody of a woman’s stinky ‘stuff‘?

What about guys who wretch rather than worship the stink? Are these guys more ‘normal’ than Hugo?

Not according to some stink lovers.

But brace yourself. Because these stinky ‘stuff’-loving voices are not quite as romantic as Hugo.

These voices are verrrry expressive about just how stinky they like their ‘stuff.’

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Stinky ‘Stuff’: Can’t Take It

dog-sniffing-womans-crotchLet’s face it, ladies.

No matter how dainty you are, every now & then your ‘stuff’ gets stinky.

Intelligent? Good-looking? Sweet-smelling?

Fastidiously hygienic?

Guess what?

You still get stinky ‘stuff.’

 

The question is, to wash or not to wash?

While the answer may seem obvious to most, there are some who may need to check with their mate before lathering up. Who are these people? Well, let’s just say stinky ‘stuff‘ really gets their blood roiling.

Take Hugo, for example.

When it comes to the question of what sparks eros, there is nothing as sublime as the strong, clear scent of one’s not-too-recently bathed beloved.”

sweaty-couple

I like her best, however, when she’s home from the gym and unbathed. As she knows, my favorite vacations with her are the rustic ones, of the sort where I have a small chance of convincing her to go a day (or, God willing, several) without showering.”

Is your nose all scrunched up in a “Yuck!” face?

You might wanna save that face for Part 2 of this post.

‘Cuz it’s gonna get waaay stinkier.

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Medieval Miasma

josephineHe’s coming home.

It was a long war.

He’ll be amorous…starved for your womanhood.

You have 14 days to prepare your body for his pleasure…

You begin by summoning your maid of the wardrobe. You instruct her to prepare your most alluring evening gown for presentation. She is to cleanse, repair, and otherwise make perfect this welcoming garment you shall wear on the night of your husband’s return. Matching slippers must be constructed, decorated, and the bottoms covered with suede so that you glide silently as an angel into his arms.

Next, you send for your ladies in waiting. You instruct them to prepare the most lovely of your hair adornments. Combs must be checked for splintering or broken teeth, loose pearls & gems must be reattached and made to gleam. Clips must be freshly gilded in gold, and silk ribbons must be cleansed, velvet ones, steamed and brushed.

You then summon your maid of the bath. You grant her the next 2 weeks off. She won’t be needed. For, your body must begin its miasmal descent, per the usual letters your husband sends to you before returning home from his travels:

“I will return to Paris in [14] days time. Stop washing.”

And so you do.

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5 Medieval Facts of Bathing II

1.  Bath houses were adopted from Middle Eastern bathing practices, and became very popular throughout the West until the late-1200’s.

medieval-bath-house

But water was heated by wood fires & wood became more expensive as forests were diminished. Over time, it became too expensive to maintain bath houses, and they began to go out of business. Attempts at replacing wood fuel with coal failed due to deaths from the unhealthy fumes.

2.  From the 1300’s on, only the very rich were able to afford firewood to heat their bath water in winter. The rest of medieval society remained unbathed for the most part, bathing an average of 3 to 4 times per year, usually around important occasions. On these rare bathing occasions, entire families would share the same bath water.

Oftentimes, during low rains, extended family would be invited to share the immediate family’s bathwater, as well!

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5 Medieval Facts of Bathing I

1.  During medieval times, there were different views about bathing. These views changed often throughout the era, in accordance with the Church, the kings, medical beliefs, and common superstitions.

rose-petal-bath

While Middle Eastern cultures enjoyed daily baths – often twice a day – many medieval Europeans feared bathing. European doctors believed that allowing water to touch, enter, swirl around the naked flesh caused disease, sickness, and eventual death. Water was believed to seep into the system through the skin’s pores, flooding the bather with impurities.

Even the drinking of water was considered a dangerous practice to most medievals, who drank ale instead.