Sick Snooty Loses Face to Sikh Beauty

What if one day someone took a photo of you, without your knowledge, and shared it publicly with the world?

embarrassing-photo

Not a naked photo. Just a regular photo in which you are fully clothed, groomed to your normal standards, and looking beautiful.

And, what if that person who took your photo to share with the world did so, not in admiration of your beauty, but to ridicule you?

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Write Like a REAL Woman!

You have got to read the comments for this ‘fab’ new women’s product!

It’s just amAzing!

You’re not even a REAL woman if you don’t use this product!

And here are more products you simply MUST invest your money & womanhood into!

just-for-women-bic-ad

(This message was approved by Todd Akin)

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Sylver Lining Sunday

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Stinky ‘Stuff’: Can’t Get Enough

stinky-smell-faceRemember that “Yuck!” face you made at the last ‘Stinky Stuff‘ post?

Remember how I warned you to save that face for this post?

Well, warm up your “Yuck!” face muscles.

‘Cuz chances are you’ll pull something screwing up your face while reading this post!

When it comes to the question of what sparks eros, there is nothing as sublime as the strong, clear scent of one’s not-too-recently bathed beloved.”

Hugo Schwyzer

man-and-woman-embracingSigh!

Such poetic expression of man’s love for erogenous stench.

But is Hugo alone in his rhapsody of a woman’s stinky ‘stuff‘?

What about guys who wretch rather than worship the stink? Are these guys more ‘normal’ than Hugo?

Not according to some stink lovers.

But brace yourself. Because these stinky ‘stuff’-loving voices are not quite as romantic as Hugo.

These voices are verrrry expressive about just how stinky they like their ‘stuff.’

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Shifting Focus

wild-dancingThis past weekend was my bachelorette party. We went down to Atlantic City, and stayed at Harrah’s. At night, the hotel pool area is given a sort of pseudo club vibe…

I could practically smell the pheromones.

Naturally, I’d never been more grateful for my soon-to-be husband, or quite frankly, my age.

If I’ve ever wished I was twenty-two again, I don’t after this weekend…

At one point in the evening I found myself talking to a twenty-three year old guy who seemed flabbergasted at the thought of my getting married.

“That’s such a long time!” he kept saying.

“You’re twenty-three,” I responded, “For tonight, just focus on finding a dance partner.”

The Intrinsic Writer (“How the Club Scene Gave Me Insight on Characterization“)

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Sylver Blaque’s Blogger Bubbles

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Blogger Bubbles ®™ 2012 is a federally registered trademark by Sylver Blaque.

Was There Lotion in the Making of Bodies in Motion?

bodies-in-motion-montageThese are the words that came to mind as I watched this video:

  • Icky
  • Creepy
  • Peeping Tom
  • Exploitation
  • Men edited this

:neutral:

The super slow-mo’s on ass & crotch-shots, the numerous ass shots, the girls hugging while patting each other’s ass shots, and the creepy porn soundtrack made me wonder how many NBC executive erections this soft-porn-disguised-as-Olypmpic-footage video went through before airing.

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Writing Off Assholeys

broken-heartRemember how, in high school, when you thought you were the only girl in the world for some undercover asshole, he’d do something assholey that would dent your developing ego and piss you the hell off?

What did you do about it?

Some girls ranted & raged. Others curled up & cried. And then there were the ones who grabbed the nearest object & hurled it right at assholey’s head (or other parts).

Well, that was me.

Except I always grabbed words & regurgitated them all over assholey’s psyche.

I became high-school famous for this.

As one of the popular girls (social stratification in high school is unavoidable :roll: ) it wasn’t expected that I’d put embarrassing feelings right out in the open like that. But I did. And doing so encouraged other girls in school to do it, too.

We victims of assholey-ness started a writing club, and anytime boyfriends assholey-ed us, we’d commandeer the gym or outdoor field in the middle of sports practice, and regurgitate our stories, poems, song lyrics, etc. all over the jock’s psyches.     Continue reading

Stinky ‘Stuff’: Can’t Take It

dog-sniffing-womans-crotchLet’s face it, ladies.

No matter how dainty you are, every now & then your ‘stuff’ gets stinky.

Intelligent? Good-looking? Sweet-smelling?

Fastidiously hygienic?

Guess what?

You still get stinky ‘stuff.’

 

The question is, to wash or not to wash?

While the answer may seem obvious to most, there are some who may need to check with their mate before lathering up. Who are these people? Well, let’s just say stinky ‘stuff‘ really gets their blood roiling.

Take Hugo, for example.

When it comes to the question of what sparks eros, there is nothing as sublime as the strong, clear scent of one’s not-too-recently bathed beloved.”

sweaty-couple

I like her best, however, when she’s home from the gym and unbathed. As she knows, my favorite vacations with her are the rustic ones, of the sort where I have a small chance of convincing her to go a day (or, God willing, several) without showering.”

Is your nose all scrunched up in a “Yuck!” face?

You might wanna save that face for Part 2 of this post.

‘Cuz it’s gonna get waaay stinkier.

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Medieval Miasma

josephineHe’s coming home.

It was a long war.

He’ll be amorous…starved for your womanhood.

You have 14 days to prepare your body for his pleasure…

You begin by summoning your maid of the wardrobe. You instruct her to prepare your most alluring evening gown for presentation. She is to cleanse, repair, and otherwise make perfect this welcoming garment you shall wear on the night of your husband’s return. Matching slippers must be constructed, decorated, and the bottoms covered with suede so that you glide silently as an angel into his arms.

Next, you send for your ladies in waiting. You instruct them to prepare the most lovely of your hair adornments. Combs must be checked for splintering or broken teeth, loose pearls & gems must be reattached and made to gleam. Clips must be freshly gilded in gold, and silk ribbons must be cleansed, velvet ones, steamed and brushed.

You then summon your maid of the bath. You grant her the next 2 weeks off. She won’t be needed. For, your body must begin its miasmal descent, per the usual letters your husband sends to you before returning home from his travels:

“I will return to Paris in [14] days time. Stop washing.”

And so you do.

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Empowerment Shopping

closet-of-clothingYour closet has become “smart.”

Your clothes talk to you, tell you when last they were worn, which accessories you wore with them, and when they’re feeling wounded (time for an alteration) or a little grubby (time for a trip to the cleaners).

Your wardrobe speaks to you via microchips or bar codes, which you scan with a small device that informs you of exactly what it is feeling.

But your wardrobe is not the only thing that talks.

In fact, everything you own now speaks.

Your coffeemaker commiserates about internal issues it may be having. Your refrigerator tattles when certain perishables are entertaining mold. Your portable devices nudge you about a plethora of extraneous apps which can be consolidated, then shows you exactly how it plans to do that upon your approval.

Every aspect of your daily life has become “smart.”

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