Queen of Bloody Bitches III

 “Regarding punishment of heretics…methinks it ought be done without rashness, that it may be evident to all in this realm exactly how I minister true justice.”

Queen Mary Tudor of England

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Revenge is a bloody bitch.

sissy-spacek-as-carrie-covered-in-blood

They must all die.

You must do it.

You are compelled.

It is your sworn duty as Queen to purge England of its black plague of Protestantism

And also of those who have so egregiously wronged you in the past…

Beginning with the Lady Jane Gray, your traitor cousin who snatched the throne right out from underneath your rightful royal arse.

“Off with her head!”  

 “Noooo!!!” she screams, falls to her knees, crawls toward you, hands clasped together as though in prayer. “Your Majesty, please! I beg your Grace!” 

At your royal feet, she lies her cheek upon your shoes, staining them with tears and mucus.

 You are repulsed.

 “Remove her from my person!” you command. 

 Your guards grab her, drag her away from you. “The block, Your Majesty?” they inquire.

 “The block,” you nod curtly.

lady-jane-gray-beheading

 “Please! Pleeeeaassee!!!” she wails pitifully as they force her face down onto the blood-stained block of wood which will make her last pillow.

 The executioner approaches. 

 In the light, his sword glints blindingly as he unsheathes it. He raises it toward the sky, stepping forward on one leg to steady his muscular bulk of a body before slashing the weapon downward.

 The crowd of onlookers surge back to avoid a blood bath, then hold their collective breath.

 Slisshhh! 

 Thomp!

 Blood sprays skyward, her head lands, rolls, comes to a stop at your royal feet. 

 You are no longer repulsed.

 You feel…exalted.

You look down into her eyes, which stare vacantly up at you. Her mouth contorts gruesomely, but her screams are silent now.

 One down.

 Thousands more to go.

 And so it begins.

queen-mary-I-as-bloody-mary

From 1553 to 1558, England’s fanatically Catholic Queen Mary I tortured and killed more people during her reign than the Spanish Inquisition of the same period.

In the name of Catholicism, Queen Mary devoured thousands of Protestants.

Her recipes for blasphemous humans varied.

Sometimes, she seasoned them with verbal abuse, then left them to marinade in psychological torture. At other times, she had them sliced and diced, hanged, drawn, and quarted, boiled, or simply put straight on the fire to roast slowly.

It is said that she reveled in the sound of crackling flesh as it burned.

Nothing quite like a sizzling heretic to put you right with God.

When she burned her victims, their friends, family members, or sympathetic onlookers would pay the firestarters to hang a sachet of gunpowder around the victim’s neck so that death would come more mercifully quick.

woman-burning-at-stake

Another of the wondrous uses for gunpowder.

Can you imagine the extended agony of burning at the stake without it?

Medieval firestarters fared well during the course of Bloody Mary’s reign. Prior to this, they were poor peasants, but became quite wealthy in their newfound profession. Family members, desperate to save their condemned loved ones from slow, agonizing deaths, gave their life savings to have gunpowder sachets surreptitiously hung around the necks of their beloved kin.

Exactly how much were firestarters paid?

What would you pay to have someone you love die mercifully?

However, gunpowder sachets were risky business. Anyone caught providing them to sizzling victims would be accused of heresy themselves, and severely punished prior to being killed. Among other gruesome forms of torture, de-nailing was most utilized to punish hands which had provided gunpowder sachets to burning heretics.

In spite of the heartbreak of watching loved ones roast slowly, huge crowds formed in town squares to cheer heartily as accused heretics were hanged, beheaded, gutted, and all other manner of sadistic torture.

A herd of sadists getting their sick kicks?

Not exactly.

Zealous Catholics supporting their Queen Mother?

Not even.

The people of the realm were petrified of their religiously fanatical queen. She was killing by the hundreds. Citizens awoke each day, fell asleep each night breathing in the stench of burning flesh. The pungent scent of freshly spilled blood assailed their nostrils each time they left their homes.

As they walked through the streets of their towns, they stepped on and over body parts of victims who had been drawn and quartered. Decapitated heads on spears decorated every town square – reminders of the fate that awaited anyone who did not show sufficient support for Catholicism and Queen Mary’s Protestant ‘cleansing.’

At the burning of a mother who’s baby was tied to her body on the stake, the woman managed to free her arms, and threw the baby out into the crowd. “Save my child! Someone, please save my baby!” she cried desperately.

The crowd, terrified that their murderous queen might hear of them aiding a heretic, threw the baby back into the fire, cheering loudly to drown out its screams as it burned.

When Mary heard of it, she was said to be quite pleased.

mary-tudor

‘God save my obedient subjects,’ you pray.

They are doing their part.

And you are doing yours.

You are saving souls from the scourge of Protestantism. You are eradicating the virus of heresy, a disease of body that must needs be burned out.   

God save the realm.

God save the Queen.

queen-of-hearts-card

Fortunately for these medievals, God did no such thing.

This homicidal Queen, who went down in history as ‘Bloody Mary’, died in 1558 from mental and physical illness. Her half-sister, the Protestant Elizabeth I, replaced Mary on the throne and became the most loved queen of all time.

Protestantism is still the dominant religion of England to this day.

The moral of this piece of history?

Don’t piss off a bloody bitch.

bloody-ghost

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See what sparked Bloody Mary’s reign of torture and death 

in

Queen of Bloody Bitches I  &  Queen of Bloody Bitches II

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Mwaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaa!!

It was a bloody nasty past-y!

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Read Sylver’s Medieval Monday Bloody Bitches series!

medieval-man-pulling-away-from-bloody-medieval-woman

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Medieval Monday

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