Nasty, putrid things are growing inside me like a cancer.
A result of ‘truth.’
Which is supposed to be a good thing, right?
But this is the kind of ‘truth,’ I believe, most of us turn away from.
It’s a kind of knowledge that makes you question things you once thought unquestionable.
Things that, deep down, you know may not be the whole truth – because you’ve heard the rumblings of a different truth. But that different truth messes with your head…messes with your ideology…messes with your comfort zone.
And that different truth comes from people you can’t relate to.
So you cling to the ‘truth’ that everyone you can relate to believes in, squeezing tight to keep the boat from rocking.
I think I’m in that boat.
And it’s rocking.
This time, though, I won’t close my eyes to steady it.
I’m no longer willing to die blind with nasty, putrid things growing on my conscience.
….ignoring an ‘Other’s‘ cry for justice, using our selective ‘truth’ to contribute to their pain.
….minimizing, discounting, whitewashing an ‘Other’s‘ experience of living inside our ‘truth.’
Life is good. I’m happy. I’ve learned, along with everyone else in my culture, how to lighten up, go with the flow, keep the boat steady.
So, why rock it now?
Guess I’m feeling brave again.
Not sure how long the feeling will last this time, but when it comes, I like to run with it. Because each time I do, it strengthens me for the next time. And I need that strength. Letting the boat rock is terrifying. Sometimes, I close my mind, and it’s smooth sailing again.
But sometimes…I let myself fall in.
And Life explodes.
Into a brilliant light of psychedelic yummy. I shine on the inside. An all-fulfilling, delicious, nutritious, bubblelicious shine that feels like nothing human.
It’s an exhilaration beyond our accepted ‘truth.’ It’s a feeling of empowerment – a feeling I don’t have when I’m herding with the cattle…keeping that boat steady.
This explosion of psychedelic yummy makes me believe I can do something about things.
It makes me feel brave enough to turn around in the herd and walk the opposite way. It makes me believe I can make changes that reflect everyone, not just the group with the most people of the same ilk.
What is this psychedelic yummy?
It’s the sheer terror and brilliant joy of taking the hand of someone you can’t relate to, and walking with your mind wide open straight into their truth.
Not your imagined belief of their truth.
Their actual truth.
Letting them lead you in. Ears first, assumptions last.
Hell yeah, it’s difficult, dangerous, deadly even. You may be decimated by the herd. You have to keep your guard up, be on the lookout for fear, judgement and defensiveness – within yourself – so you can smack it down and keep on walking into the reality of the ‘Other.’
Right into their experience, their pain, their struggle for equality, their fight for all manner of survival – physical, emotional, cultural.
Into their reduced status within society, their limited agency and, more often than not, their outright invisibility within our ‘truth.’
But this is a journey we can’t make on our own; that would be like thinking we could sail through a tsunami having never been in a boat. This is a journey we must let them lead us into. Because we don’t know.
We. Don’t. Know.
We only think we do.
This journey…there’s nothing like it. Scary as hell, for sure. But I’ve been a passenger on this journey many times, and I’ve always come out alive. Ten fingers, ten toes…the only things lost were ignorant notions.
In fact, I’ve always come out more alive than I’ve ever been. Nasty, putrid inner things shatter into crystals of light as you walk in that frightening, brilliant joy down that new road into the opposite of your ‘truth.’
But here’s the thing: you can’t see the light with your eyes closed.