If you ever get the urge to yawn in public…don’t.
You might get arrested.
Sweating in public is also risky.
In fact, here’s a list of natural bodily functions and behaviors that, for your own safety and continued freedom, you should never try in public:
1. “Yawning” during conversation.
No matter how dull the speaker, keep you eyes wide with interest and your mouth firmly closed.
2. Touching your face more than once.
Though “repetitive touching of the face” is a natural habit (to scratch, rub an eye, etc.), suppress it. Your freedom may depend upon it.
3. Keep your breathing steady.
No provision is made for asthmatics, people with heart conditions, runners, or any other impetus for “an increased breathing rate.” So, be safe – consider confining your medical condition or hobby to your home.
4. Do not sweat in an “unusual” way.
It is unclear exactly what kind of sweat is deemed to be “unusual,” therefore it’s probably a sound strategy to suppress all sweat – both usual and unusual – to keep from appearing suspicious.
6. Standing still.
Do neither. Which leaves sitting, laying, and crawling as the only safe options – since jumping and running may cause you to sweat in an “unusual” way.
Why, you ask, must we forgo these natural bodily activities?
Well, it seems that the New Jersey Office of Homeland Security and Preparedness has released a new pamphlet for citizens which outlines tips for spotting and reporting “suspicious activities and behaviors.”
As reported by RT News, the document -entitled “Terrorism Awareness & Prevention” - is aimed at “raising awareness on how New Jersey residents can help combat terrorism.”
According to the ”yawning” images in this report, a number of world leaders appear to be in danger of being mistaken for terrorists. However, judging by the punishment passes and bailouts granted to the West’s wealthy and powerful, these leaders have nothing to fear.
Unless they’re from the Middle East.
Have you engaged in natural behaviors that may brand you a terrorist?